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Wednesday, December 02, 2009

ohh first of dec.

hello! its the 1st of December already!

i just came back from cg, and we were given these to reflect on, though its not exactly the 'end' of the year nor the beginning of a new year, we were asked to think of things that we were thankful for this year and things that we want to do the next.

i don't know, when this guy shared how he got a health scare this year due to some lump found, he actually felt that he was ready to go. i suddenly got frightened. i am still not ready, i am not.

advent tells us about the second coming of jesus.
in which the first week is based on hope.

and it was this coincidence, that i really have a lot to hope for.
too much, that i can't remember them all.
so in summary i should be hoping for life,
so that i can fulfill my life on earth? (sudden realization)
i certainly do not like the idea of death, not yet, too soon.
i try to picture what happen if anyone around me dear are gone.
i try to picture myself dead.

am i still with conscience?
or am i going to be like the animals and plants, whom dies in front of us every second?
non existent, replace-able, perishable.

time flies.
on the day of my birthday, i did not exactly felt that joyful to be nineteen despite many well wishes. yes, i did survive on my nineteenth year. i am also older by a year now. this year, i thought, i am a year closer to death instead. though i managed to shrugged off that feeling, but this is a fact, that many little things you suddenly noticed as you get older giving you the little nagging reminder. such as, i am beginning to feel the creaking in my bones. i was worried, i am still paranoid whenever i hear the creak due to a sudden movement or shifting of my legs. are my knees giving way? shit? drinking milk to reassure yourself for the time being. i am not as fit as i used to be. but, its like hey! you are only 19 now. perhaps its just due to the lack of exercise i am doing and such. another sure sign is that, i can't eat as much as i use to! in the past, we use to gobble down mountains of food during buffets, now, a few portions and we will call it a day.

i wonder if, it is cause of a consciousness in our diet? no. very much evidently that our metabolism is going down.
i imagine that our dna strands are shortening, our telomeres are not working, thus our cells begins to age.
i wonder if anyone could come out with the wonder cure soon? working with telomeres, as i've read in the science section of the newspaper some time ago.

I have read about how they say that time seemed to fly very fast when we dwindle on our past, and ponder on our future. so why not, we better be living in the present.
given the kind of world that we live in now, it is hard to just throw caution to the wind, and live life to the fullest today and everyday.
imagine, why not i say yes! let me walk to thailand today! will you live to walk there given this rash decision?

sigh, tell me when you do.

i am getting sick-

ps. very very very thankful and happy for all the post birthday celebrations :):):) thankyouso much.